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Friday, December 21st, 2012

Subject:Lock down
Time:11:11 am.
Mood: curious.


If you want in, drop me a line and I'll add you.
Comments: +1.

Monday, December 6th, 2010

Subject:Santa Monica
Time:9:46 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I don't want to be your downtime
I don't want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
And I'll try to shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore

I'll walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
And watch the world die

- Everclear

Comments: +1.

Saturday, December 4th, 2010

Subject:I'm coming home (J. Cole version)
Time:10:45 pm.
Mood: happy.
I am in love with this song... it sums up my feelings about the past few months of my life perfectly. Listen to it here:

http://youraudiofix.com/2010/10/30/exclusive-j-cole-im-coming-home/

Diddy did another version of this song that is getting a lot of play on the radio, but I like this one better. "To appreciate the sun you gotta know what rain is."

I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming

Back where I belong
I’ve never felt so strong
Feeling like there’s nothing that I can’t try
And if you feel me put your hands high, high, high, hey
And if you feel me put your hands high, high, hey

This is my story, this is my song
If you ain't got the heart, don’t attempt to try this at home
It’s just a poem from a man once living wrong
Now I’m in the zone, tell the world I’m coming home
It's been a long time coming, been a long time coming
This song feel like the greatest of all time coming
'Cause I do it B-I-G, I remember we would be high
Who’d have thought we’d be running rap when we was knee-high
To appreciate the sun you gotta know what rain is
Or 'cause I’m famous you don’t think I know what pain is
But I bounce back, would ya look at that
I take my spot at the top and I ain't looking back

I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home

Hey, confusion like I was losing my mind
But one thing I never lose is my grind
My closet need a lot of cleaning now
I can’t sleep 'cause I don't like the shit I dream about
Hey dear Lord, please help me get the demons out
And then help me get my genius out
And get back to what I had
If my goods outweigh my bads
Do you think that my mistakes is gonna even out
I guess try and see, it’s on my diary
I’m living for my kids, now they is just as fly as me
Talk well, wonder if Andre Harrell
Knew how great I would be when he fired me

I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming... home

- J. Cole
Comments: +1.

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

Subject:Just a quote
Time:12:54 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
But oh, how this rings true!

Written 4/8/06:
"All I have is memories now, and I don't regret leaving him behind. Sometimes when I walk on the streets at night I want to scream out his name, scream it and hear it echo off concrete and fade into nothingness. Do you hear me? Do you know what today is, what tomorrow is? I know. I know with scars all over my heart that still beats. I love you even though you steam-rolled over me and all my lies and bullshit. I'm a better person now and I'll love someone else someday."
Different person... same story. I wonder when I will learn not to fall in love with damaged people like myself.
Comments: 2 / +1.

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

Subject:Goodnight Elisabeth
Time:12:08 pm.
Mood: sad.
I was wasted in the afternoon
Waiting on a train
I woke up in pieces and Elisabeth had disappeared again
I wish you were inside of me
I hope that you're ok
I hope you're resting quietly
I just wanted to say

Goodnight Elisabeth
Goodnight Elisabeth

We couldn't all be cowboys
So some of us are clowns
Some of us are dancers on the midway
We roam from town to town
I hope that everybody can find a little flame
Me, I say my prayers, then I just light myself on fire
And I walk out on the wire once again

And I say
Goodnight Elisabeth
Goodnight Elisabeth

I will wait for you in Baton Rouge
I'll miss you down in New Orleans
I'll wait for you while she slips in something comfortable
And I'll miss you when I'm slipping in between
If you wrap yourself in daffodils
I will wrap myself in pain
And if you're the queen of California
Baby I am the king of the rain

And I say
Goodnight Elisabeth
Goodnight Elisabeth

The moon's a satellite, yeah
Won't you fall down on me now
Won't you fall down on me
Come fall down on me now
Won't you fall down on me

Because I'm all alone
You ain't coming home
We just settle down down down
Into bone

I said I'm all alone
You ain't coming home
We just settle down down down
Into bone

- Counting Crows

Comments: +1.

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

Subject:(Breathe)
Time:9:44 pm.
Mood:honest.
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year"
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him; maybe I'll just sing about it

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around

2am and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe

- Anna Nalick
Comments: +1.

Friday, April 10th, 2009

Subject:Dogfish
Time:3:51 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Some kind of relaxed and beautiful thing
kept flickering in with the tide
and looking around.
Black as a fisherman's boot,
with a white belly.

If you asked for a picture I would have to draw a smile
under the perfectly round eyes and above the chin,
which was rough
as a thousand sharpened nails.

And you know
what a smile means,
don't you?

*

I wanted the past to go away, I wanted
to leave it, like another country; I wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
I wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know,

whoever I was, I was

alive
for a little while.

*

It was evening, and no longer summer.
Three small fish, I don't know what they were,
huddled in the highest ripples
as it came swimming in again, effortless, the whole body
one gesture, one black sleeve
that could fit easily around
the bodies of three small fish.

*

Also I wanted
to be able to love. And we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

Slowly

*

the dogfish tore open the soft basins of water.

*

You don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don't want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it's the same old story - - -
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.

And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.

*

And look! look! look! I think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.

*

And probably,
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,

they can do it.

- Mary Oliver
Comments: +1.

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Subject:Just another word
Time:1:33 pm.
Mood: numb.


Upon the rails, among the weeds
I had a moment of serenity
I saw you standing, in all the green
Upon the rusting rail
Balancing

You were the only answer
My plans spun all around you
Five years in the wrong I am assured
My name to you is just another word

And in your bed in Morristown
You had magazines thrown around
From under them, the phone had rang
And in the margin there
You wrote the number down

You were the only answer
My plans spun all around you
Five years in the wrong I am assured
My name to you is just another word

Another word
Another word
The only answer
Another word

- Mike Doughty
Comments: +1.

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

Subject:Me (a work in progress)
Time:5:32 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
If you don't know me
then I certainly don't know you.
Who am I?
A girl with five years under her belt and a lens.
I document my life by feelings, not words,
and that will be my detriment.
I listen to things;
I feel the trees sway through me and
the earth tremble with sunrise.
I won't deny the truth when you tell it.
I hold my head high and strong
but I bend just as easily.
If I love you I will love you fiercely
and let everything else be damned.
I won't save myself in my end
but it will happen
because it always happens.
There is no stopping the clicking of time,
and some things I will mourn
until the day I'm gone.

- 2/10/09
Comments: +1.

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

Subject:My Facebook tarot card for today
Time:5:55 pm.
Mood: crushed.
"The Moon represents those unknown forces and cycles that are out of control. While aware of its presence, you are unable to comprehend the influence the Moon has on your life. While this is a time of mystery and uncertainty, it is also a time of great imagination and creativity. You must be prepared to venture into the unknown and follow uncharted paths."
Comments: +1.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

Subject:Looks
Time:12:00 am.
Mood: calm.
You say you don't look at me
I say you don't look so good
I went out in the cold
To buy a paper
Pushing every button in the elevator

But I know
I got my looks
And you got yours
Must have learned them
From a million stars
Oh looks
Oh man
Oh looks
Oh man

I get 'em on the bus
And I get 'em on the streets
And I get them from you
Always looking for a reason
Looking for a cure
What can I do
I'm just so tired of you

And I wish the lights would dim
'Cause I can see what this is leading to
And it looks real grim

But I know
I got my looks
And you got yours
Guess you just weren't
What I was looking for
Oh looks
Oh man
Oh looks
Oh man

I get 'em on the bus
And I get 'em on the streets
And I get them from you
Always looking for a reason
Looking for a cure
What can I do
What can I do
What can I do
What can I do
What can I do

- Mike Doughty
Comments: +1.

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Subject:11/11
Time:11:23 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
I have an iPod again. With my entire music collection on it. :D

And this morning everything was beautiful in the cold November light. The whole world danced in the wind. It made me feel like I went back in time. My spirit went down deep last night and resurfaced on the trail of a dream. The car I took to work this morning drove by Sin-E, dark and desolate and tucked away from the rest of the world. The sun blinded me.

And any loneliness doesn't matter, because memory lives inside me.
Comments: 1 / +1.

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Subject:The only thing permanent is change... and tattoos
Time:12:21 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
I want a white ink tattoo.





Every life lesson I learn I carve into my skin.
Comments: 1 / +1.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Subject:Reminiscing on Election Day
Time:11:49 am.
Mood: curious.
I didn't register to vote this year. I know, I know. New York is a Democratic state anyway, and if I'd voted, I would have voted Democrat, so that is how I've justified my laziness to myself.

I can't believe four years have passed. I remember the election in 2004 like it was yesterday. I voted at an elementary school in a slightly sketchy part of New Brunswick. It was the day before I chopped off all my long hair and got the bob I hated for three months afterward. It was still kind of seasonal out and I wore my boyfriend's sweater. While the polls were coming in, I sat in the living room of my on-campus apartment and watched in horror while working on a group project for my stupid class about ethics in science. I was still fumbling around in the dark, but I knew change was coming.

I wonder what change is coming now.
Comments: 1 / +1.

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

Subject:Clenched soul
Time:4:40 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

- Pablo Neruda


And in that sadness of mine that few have known and even fewer have understood, my past becomes alive... the serpent flicks its tail... and the spiral coils back upon itself. I see it now: a mosaic of occurrences, little pieces everywhere scattered throughout my history, throughout time. If I put them all together, what picture will they form? ("He burrows into my heart and bites down." - January 2006)

Forever I will fall from grace in love's name. Beyond that, a hard little soldier emerges, fiery and alive. The other night when I was participating in support service rounds, I mentioned my last name to a nurse on the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), and she remembered me. Twenty five years later, Saturn is still coming back around.

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost. I love you and I'll fight for you because sleeping in your arms at night puts all the pieces together. Even the ones that hurt sometimes. Even the ones that don't fit.
Comments: +1.

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

Subject:Runaways
Time:7:37 pm.
Mood: happy.
Oh darling... let's run.
Let the mountains bleed for us,
let the canyons shout our names in furious abandon
as we laugh and curl the flames around our fingers;
let the coasts crumble and fade away.
We will turn back the clocks
and everything will end at the beginning.
Together we will be bound and coiled,
refracting back upon ourselves again and again,
burst open and split apart like seeds.
Letting the darkness feed us...
Letting the fire guide us.

- 10/30/08
Comments: +1.

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008

Subject:Broken
Time:1:14 am.
Mood: contemplative.
When you have a dream
how does it die?
Mine dried up like a flower,
with water seeping under the bridges
in all of my dreams.
I was broken in three years ago,
and now I'm finally broken.
Still I search the pages of the past
for the key to a door I forgot to open,
thinking maybe the days will change
and I'll feel the sunshine of a world
unfurled once again.

- 10/14/08
Comments: 1 / +1.

Monday, September 29th, 2008

Subject:Nightswimming
Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: thoughtful.


Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse
Still, it's so much clearer
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge
The moon is low tonight

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
I'm not sure all these people understand
It's not like years ago
The fear of getting caught
Of recklessness and water
They cannot see me naked
These things, they go away
Replaced by everyday

Nightswimming, remembering that night
September's coming soon
I'm pining for the moon
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming

You, I thought I knew you
You I cannot judge
You, I thought you knew me
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath
Nightswimming

The photograph reflects
Every streetlight a reminder
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
Deserves a quiet night

- R.E.M.
Comments: +1.

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

Subject:Jack-ass
Time:10:42 am.
Mood: okay.
I been drifting along in the same stale shoes
Loose ends tying the noose in the back of my mind
If you thought that you were making your way
To where the puzzles and pagans lay
I'll put it together: it's a strange invitation

When I wake up someone will sweep up my lazy bones
And we will rise in the cool of the evening
I remember the way that you smiled
When the gravity shackles were wild
And something is vacant when I think it's all beginning

- Beck
Comments: +1.

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

Subject:The fuse
Time:3:27 pm.
Mood: content.
Down at the court house they're ringin' the flag down
Long black line of cars snakin' slow through town
Red sheets snappin' on the line
With this ring will you be mine?

The fuse is burning
Shut out the lights
The fuse is burning
Come on let me do you right

Trees on fire with first fall's frost
Long black line front of Holy Cross
Blood moon risin' in a sky of black dust
Tell me baby, who do you trust?

The fuse is burning
Shut out the lights
The fuse is burning
Come on let me do you right

Tires on the highway hissin' something's come
Feel the wires and the tree tops hummin'
Devil's on the horizon line
Your kiss and I'm alive

Quiet afternoon, an empty house
On the edge of bed you slip off your blouse
The room is burning with the noon sun
Your bittersweet taste on my tongue

The fuse is burning
Shut out the lights
The fuse is burning...

- Bruce Springsteen
Comments: +1.

LiveJournal for Steorra.

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